I have been told that writing is a healthy emotional outlet. In the past this has been proven to be true. I realize that this is a mix of random words that are often silly meaningless or overly blunt, but what i have come to realize is that i enjoy the freedom to say whatever I so chose, because frankly here, I just do not give a fuck, and that the people who always seem to come back for more find some form of entertainment in it, because lets be honest they simply would not waste their time otherwise.
With that said, I have lost myself in life this winter. who can remember that sweet girl who spoke her mind and never let anyone walk on her. That girl was shot. she was shot and has been in a semi retarded coma for too long.
well like zombie jesus that girl has risen.
there is nothing better then being pushed passed your breaking point to really wake up and look at your surroundings.
I cannot even begin to express how truly disgusted I am with so many people at once. where oh where to begin..... never mind. I am not going to air others not only dirty, but filthy disgusting laundry.. you know the kind of dirty socks that got sweaty and wet and sat in the trunk of your car for a month... that kind of nasty.
So I am going to hit the nail on betrayal... seems like it is just in the air these days. along with disappointment and good ole fashioned stupid.
when i was engaged, and that was called off, right away people started to tell me "i am so glad you two did not get married" and not necessarily because of the person i would have married, but because of the relationship in itself. i mean shit i had a beer with a mutual friend who was by far more his then my own and he said the same.. but not the point.. my point was that after hearing that i could not help but think..well not for nothing but this might have been an opinion you maybe could have voiced oh i dont know.. when i was planning to marry them.
Now I have come to realize that the answer to my own question is very simple... because i was a fucking moron. I would have never listened. I would have gotten defensive, probably hated the person who loved me enough to care for my best interest, and would have wanted to marry him even more just to prove them wrong..or to make a point to not let them tell me how to live my life.
WELL. like i said..i was a fucking jackass.
I am understanding this so so so much more right now.
so to the rest of the stubborn idiots out there...let me say this. get over yourself and grow the fuck up. it is one thing for random people to tell you how to live your life. It is even something for the people who make regular appearances to commentate on your choices and actions.
and those people.. sure okay.. brushing their unwanted two cents off is very understandable. because you are right those people do not know you or are being judgmental, or they are jealous, or sinply so god damn miserable with their own life they need to spectate yours.
BUT, in this is a big but, in case you did not catch on to that capital letters... when the people whom you know truly, whole heartily, unconditionally, love you. the people who have been there for you countless times, the ones who have always had your back, the ones who stuck by your side in the best and worst times of your life. you better fucking take what they say into serious consideration. because it does not matter what their relationship to you is, mother father sister brother friend ex boss children, if those people speak up then it is time for you to listen.
because what reason does someone who always has your best interest have to steer you the wrong way? none. so shrink your over inflated head down to size and let that sink in.
we all get like this. but i can promise this... with the things I am seeing lately.. i will never act like such breed of ignorance again.
