Blow jobs are a form oaf cannibalism...technically.

Body. I just finished watched Grey's Anatomy. and if you are one of the few who still watch the very exhausted show, well then you saw it end with Kali back to dancing around in her underwear.

Good for her. She is hot. I was getting ready to go about my day, and like Dr. Torres I was too dancing around in my underwear. and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and said...huh..is that right.

My point that I am in no way actually making is that I wish people loved themselves just a little bit more. thick or thin it is a tough world either way. I have a friend on one end who is so thin that they are called scrawny or anorexic and honestly it is hurtful, because he eats all the time,  it is just his body. I have another who will not wear shorts, or swimming because they are not comfortable in enough in her own skin..She is beautiful.

I am no better then the rest, my poor roommate can attest to the simple fact that I am my own biggest critic. But if I have learned one thing it is that will live in a world that we can never actually get it right. I think there is beauty in us all. Granted, some have to work a tiny bit harder then others..but everyone is flawed. I look at my sister and see one of the most beautiful women in the world...she takes three years to get dressed because she nit picks so bad.

I guess I just thought of someone in particular, and wished they had so much more confidence in themselves. Because I want my daughter and her peers to grow up with the kind of confidence I never dreamed of, because it is amazing what it does.

and on one last note...calling someone fat to insult them, that is just pure lazy, and frankly you lack inelegance and creativity. And remember if you are ever on the receiving end of the term thunder thighs, well you can always key their tailgate.  

I am Dying.

"Death asked Life, Why do people hate me but love you, Life replied, because I am a joyful lie, and you are such a painful truth."

These words are so true it gives me chills.

I cannot understand hate, or grudges, to be honest they are just childish to me. Everyone, and when I say everyone, I mean even small children, know that we are going to die someday, and that every single person we meet, could very well be gone the next day.

So why is it so easy for people to cling on to such resentments. We all do it. We all receive it as well. I held a resentment towards my father for a long time, and most people who have met him understand how easy task that is, but honestly if there is one thing I have learned it is how pointless that really is, because even if you have a good reason to be angry, it will only cause you more pain in the long run. My dad and grandfather were on bad terms when my grampa passed, and I saw what that did to him. Death is a painful truth because the ones left living feel guilty, about everything. Every fight, every disagreement, over something petty, or something real, every time you did not visit when you should have. We are left wondering if that person knew how we really felt about them. Sometimes that we forgave them a long time ago but were too proud to tell them.
Well, the truth is no, that person did not know that. What they knew is what you left them with. If you and another person truly just cannot get along, love them from afar. That is okay, but I am sorry, if you are holding a grudge over something completely stupid from months or even years ago, I am sorry but you deserve that guilt when that person is gone.
and again I feel the need to say, we all do it, myself included.

All grudges do is make everyone else around you uncomfortable. Especially the pointless ones. I can name two in my life. One i am the guilty one of holding a grudge I really should not be holding anymore, and one that I am being held to a grudge for something honestly completely irrelevant to not only the person holding the grudge, but at this point my own life as well.
The thought of both make me ill.  very, very ill. but back to my point.
All they really do is make everyone not involved uncomfortable. for instance...A grandmother whose one grandchild said terrible horrible things to the other grandchild, which caused hard feelings between the parents (her children) and because of how uncomfortable she just does not really say much of anything anymore. to anyone. Or a bride, who is so happy and in love, but she has to worry about her two cousins getting along as bridesmaids because they had a stupid fight months ago. And then there are the people who feel like they are being forced to take sides. That is probably the worst one, because frankly, if persons A and B cannot get along, that really has absolutely nothing to do with persons C - Z.

All I am trying to say is that we are not going to be here forever. And honestly, that is not a cop out for the old, because old age does not make you right, you are very much in the wrong sometimes too. And the young die too. I think that the most of us have felt regret when it was too late, and that is a feeling I would not wish on anyone. So say what you have to say, hash it out, but then be done with the situation, not the person. figure it out. good lord. I hope anyone who reads this can think of at least one person they should forgive. do it. And if your on the receiving end, be accepting, because the majority of the time, the reason they are not being forgiving, is that they are too proud. When it all really comes down to it, is the issue you are having, worth never having that person in your life again? So if you cannot forgive them while they are here, well, then do not miss them if they are gone tomorrow.

The BEST kind...

So I have come to learn that i am apaearntly a two ting whore. And that it is  so amusing to people in life that's it's worth one of those awkward let's hug it out situations. 

Where oh where can I begin.... 

Let me just start by saying had I been a live witness I would gladly take this rusty shopping cart and tell you exactly where to shove it. 

So because I feel like there are many men out there with this issue let me explain the difference between men and woman and that creepy dude who a stalker complex...not to mention a special kind of women it takes to basically act the same way....

A few months back I had a boyfriend, literally for like a minute. 

And oh god damn the havvock we wrecked for finding joy in each other's company. It took me a year to date again,  and to actually find a person who finally made me see past the hot damn mess before him. 

So god forbid the people who "loved" me could oh I don't know be happy for me, but no that was not the case, 

But frankly I am over that, and it is not even my point really... 

Back to my point.. When I moved out here I knew basically no one. My best friend that I had spent basically ever waking minute with left for a year and the other had a boyfriend and was infatuated.. 

So when some aquatance asked me five thousand times if I want to get coffee I thought okay.. I literally have nothing else to do tonight and to be honest I am bored. 

Big mistake.

Sweet baby superman. 

So let me explain to all the "that guy's" in this world.. Talking to you ONE time because you're a persistent little shit and then dating a guy like seriously weeks later, who was very well aware of the level of creeper you had reached with me doesn't not under any circumstance that I or any woman for that matter was "talking" to both of you at the same time. For the love of god take yourself down a notch or six. 

But what really makes me laugh probably harder then is appropriate, is that fact that while yes said guy was absolutely splendid- we dated for a shorter amount of time then children in middle school. And that grudges are still being held 6 months later. 

Here's a fun fact- get the fuck over it, and yourself for that matter. 

If you seriously have that sad of a life that you are mad at at me for for dating a boy with a sweet car.. Seek counseling because you are not only one of the most childish people in the world but frankly you just kind of need a fucking life. 

There is probably one person in this world who could be mad about it.. But even them not so much and let's be honest she's a ditch pig anyways. 

Get over it. 

For real. 

But real no really.. 

It was six months ago. 

I've had sex last longer then that "relationship" 

If he and I can be over it 

So can you. 

Because not doing soaked you weird on an even creepier level. 

AND OH! 

One fucking other thing. 

Why is he getting hugs and shit.. Indont get hugs. 

Ever hear of a double standard? 

Hide You're Love Away

iiii'm back.

There is just so much going on right now, I do not even know where to begin. That is incorrect, I know exactly where to begin, Should you have read this when I began it, you would recall and entry titled "Germany. This has almost nothing to do with Germany" upon reading, you will have found several love stories, because well, I am a sucker for the fairy tale, and they are true. In every sense, One of these stories consisted of a girl and a boy blah blah blah they fell in love got married he went to Afghanistan, not much prior to the start of this blog in general, well I am VERY excited to say that tonight, he has arrived home safely. Not only am I very happy for his wife, but would like to thank him, for doing that job, I have known him a long time, and he has always been a good person, but damn did he go and make that old diner proud.


Okay now I am back to not knowing where to begin.

I guess the easiest place to go is relationships, and frankly, I just do not want to go there right now. But then again this usually consists of places I do but do not but do want to go.

Not even my own. Honestly. I see people, know them who are going through all of these crazy relationship craziness and I wish i could just shake them and say walk away, or you will be okay to others.

It is amazing though how well they can all relate even to my own, (past & present) or maybe that is just how we function, or me alone. you take your own dilemma and relate it to either your own life situations, or they help you understand past experiences, and sometimes those things are what helps you help the people around you.

one girl worries her boyfriend will leave her, but she stays, hoping it will work itself out, one wonders what she did wrong to make him want to walk away, but she knew he did not love her all along, one wants to be happy with another, but thinks the failure is inevitable.

What I have come to learn, is that you need to trust you gut, which is in fact easier said then done, for so many reasons, first of all we so naturally cling on to a hope for something we want so badly that we wear glasses to shade away that actuality of a situation. the other reason being is that honestly I think you have to learn yourself before you are able to know what your gut is telling you, intestines are a hard language to learn after all. Not everyone can hear that voice in them. But I think it is mostly that we want something bad enough or long enough, that when the opportunity presents itself, initially all we can do is believe it is what is right.

I guess that is what has been eating away at me so much lately, my own not trusting me gut, even when I have learned how.

So i guess to everyone out there facing any kind of real dilemma, look at it from someone else point of view, really look at the situation as a whole, not just your half, and trust yourself, you can figure it out. and you will eventually get exactly to where you need to be.
and never, ever, let anyone steal your sunshine.