The difference a year can make

While most people mark their years at January 1st, today marks my own.
One year ago today my last few started over.
My life has started over many times but this one counts for something a little more.
A year ago today I was sitting in a room alone. In a hospital. Waiting for doctors to remove a piece of my brain.
Without this I would be blind today. I would have headpain worse than migraines 24/7. While I trusted my surgeon, being 24 and completely alone you cannot help but wonder what happens if you do not wake up.
To your daughetr. Where her life may lead her. To your sister and brothers.
The very last things you say to the people you love the most.
Who will fill your position at work. Who would show to your funeral. Who will replace my spot as bff. Or even mother. Especially mother. I could cry just at that thought even now, and believe me I did then.
And do not think that my family and friends are assholes that didn't care about me. My mother didn't even know about my tumor until a month prior. And I told her if she flew up for my surgery which happened to be on her birthday I would cancel it. My family and friends wanted to be there. My cousins husband drove me and then made him leave. M close friend wanted to try for emergency leave from his deployment I refused. My daughters father wanted to be there. My dad. My friends. I just didn't want to put anyone out. I woke up to my grandmother and aunt who were stubborn and come while I was out. And the things my aunt had done for me... I will never forget. The way my boss looked out for me was unreal.

But that wasn't all this year was filled with. After my surgery my cousin was engaged to the love of her life. And we planned her wedding which was eventually postponed for his deployment. To follow my baby sister started her first year of college. I watched my friend Kim get married.
In September I wished an old friend happy birthday, and he became one of my closest friends l and my roommate I dropped my daughter off to pre school. To follow a guy with a beard photoboomed a news reporter and I met a man who looked like him. I got to see my amazing friends husband come home from deployment. I went December until April on three hours sleep a night either working or driving. I reconnected with old friends. I watched the regulars I love lose someone they love. I got to see my friend come home from deployment. I mended bad blood. I mad new friends. I went to Arizona. I learned what twearking really was. I worked thanksgiving and Christmas eve, Christmas day an new years eve and the day to follow. I went to a sabres game and fell in love with mike Webber's beard. I grew incredibly found of every other Tuesday I had a hockey team come in.
I got shit done. My oh my did I get shit done.
And was sad. Lonely. Happy. Hospitalized.
But Then it all changed. I got some amazing tattoos. I pulled a few all nighters. I ka kawed my heart out with heather and will never stop. I reconnected with my old friend. Who I missed. Like crazy. And became her maid of honor. And was the first to know of her up and coming baby.
And then I met someone. Someone who had a beard who looked like a guy who photo boomed a reporter I told that the number one on my bucket list was to climb a billboard, and he tried he's damndist to get me on that billboard. And that's when I knew. He was someone I'd want in my life for always and then he saved my life. Legitimately saved my life made me jump from a burning building. And I didn't just fall in love with him, I fell in love with hi family his friends, the way he was with my daughter. The way he showed me how to follow your dreams no matter what. Which I didn't believe until the fire.
The fire that I watched everything I have burn all the hours I worked to keep a roof over my head..and that roof was now with a view.
So the moral is that I'm done being scared. Im starting up my own photography studio. I'm cherishing every second with my daughter my parents and my siblings. I'm enjoying my life. Im eating that burger. Im drinking that shot. Smoking that cigerette. Im dancinf when i feel like dancing. Cheering for the teams i want. Singing. Laughing. Working working and working. I'm about to watch my daughter start kindergarten. Missing my brother extra. I'm laughing so hard with Melissa I sometimes wonder if she's going to pee. Ill keep getting tattoos. Bartending too. And loving every second of this life I've learned I had all along.
 And I am so not sorry.