Mommy..

So it is no secret that my mommy is leaving me soon.
And everyone keeps asking me what I am going to do without her and if I am super upset that she is leaving.
The truth is that my mom and I are closer then most mother daughter relationships
Just ask her boyfriend he thinks were nuts
My mom is my best friend.
And I talked tonight to someone... And I was horrible.
I was so bad growing up and I have to say how terrible I feel about that.
Fifteen year old girls are psychotic what else can I say.
But the honest answer to people is that I am only proud of my mother.
She is by far the most amazing person I have ever known in my entire life.
So I could not be anything but proud of how hard she has worked to get there she is...and in case you have not caught in she is basically a big tsc deal.
She has literally amazingly worked her way up to the top from the bottom.
She is an inspiration, and if I could be an ounce of the person she is then i have done good in life.
The truth is my mom has only sacrificed in her life, and most of that sacrifice was for me.
So to the next thousand people who ask me
Yea I am happy for her. Will I miss moly mom...duh. But as much as it will be hard for me, I want her to go... She deserves to be wonderful, because she is wonderful.

I love you mommy.
Ill miss you more then you will ever know.
But I am so happy for how happy you ar, and I am so proud of you.
Probably more then anyone else.

Fick it...wait I can say fuck here.

I read a quote once.
it said """ (<<if you are wondering why there are three quotes it is because I am pretty sure this is not word for word...but it is atleast the jist of it)

"""They say that when you cannot sleep it is because you are awake in someone else dreams."""

Well all I can really say to whomever it is dreaming of me every fucking night...shit or get of the god damn pot.
I am ficking tired.
really, really ficking tired.

I am tired of not ficking sleeping. I am tired of not going to the ficking movies. I am tired of allowing myself to let me ficking guard down for a minute and being ficking disappointed.

I own it okay...I am that psychopath who wants flowers.wants to hold hands. Wants all your hours if you have the chance. and who wants to be asked to dance.

and yes that is some serious bruno mars shit right there.
OWNED IT.
...very catchy song by the way.

so lets face it that quote is stupid...at least where I am concerned because I am very well aware of that fact that I am not on anyones mind at 2 in the morning.

and thats okay...I basically just yawned...and it all went down hill from there. so..there's that. SQUIRREL.

providing Brianna comes through for me...there will be more tonight...if not well hey ..thanks for reading kids. 

.

So what I have realized is that I am a completely psychotic hot damn mess.

And I will not lie I one hundred percent blame my vagina. I have never until today realized how fucking emotional I can be from this.

I came home tonight and my god-sent roommate instantly knew...
"whats that matter?"

I paused for a second as I opened my mouth to speak and only allowed a simply nothing to escape.

not five minutes later he tried again...
not two words leave my mouth before I am bawling little a little baby...telling him how badly I embarassed myself and that I now realize how fucking psycho I am. babbling on and on about what is wrong I make way to this poor boys bed as I continue to tell him what is the matter still crying like...I can not honestly think of a comparison it was so bad..

Finally he looks at me and says there is nothing wrong with you..your a girl...and that makes you a little out of whack sometimes...you are just out of whack...stop crying and just feel better...youll be normal again in a few days..

now I do not know which freaks me out more..that he knew or that that actually really helped.

Which brings me to my next point...that for whatever reason I am in fact crazy and emotional..and I do not know if I have always been this bad but god damn...I am so sorry to anyone who has crossed my path during a redout.

holy fuck.

I have a new found respect for the kind of men who are understanding to this because that shit really is cray.

and thank you roomie for being one of those men..both roomies...haha.

night.

St. Valentine

Oh it is finally here.
Some love it.
Some hate it.
Usually, those who have no one to share it with are the ones who hate it.

That's not fair though,
 it used to be my favorite holiday,
I think that it all really started from my dad. Ill never forget that he always sent me cards or bought me flowers, i was a total daddys girl when i was a kid.

 when you were kid you got silly cards from everyone in class
Then it was a flower from maybe a secret admirer
High school was the worst in the best way though, all never ever forget how embarrassed my senior year I was I had 14 balloons 2 dozen roses, one of those obnoxious giant teddy bears and cards
It was so silly but sweet too.

Then we grow up and start to hate it because we either don't have someone to share it with or had a bad experience on that day, maybe a painful memory surrounding it, maybe we don't want to spend money haha

But it is no secret that I am a big believer in the fairy tale, and while I can say I don't have a valentine I still love what it stands for and while I very much agree with those who say we should show that love everyday it's still that Idea of something just a little extra special
It's just nice
And I think it's still nice to believe in celebrating love
Love is always a good thing

So to the guy who hates his ex who wrecked it...don't let the past linger to the future
To the lonely girl complaining fucking religiously that shes single and has no one to spend it with...get over it it's not the end of the world
To the wife who really just misses her deployed husband.. You are all he's thinking of this very second, but you already know that
To the guy in a long distance relationship who can't wait to surprise her... It'll leave a lasting impression which is kind of the point
To the new relationships... Soak in that honeymoon phase they are the best
To the old relationshipers who may have to work tonight...showing that love any day is a gift
To my moms boyfriend... Hello bombshell (;
To the single moms..who have the best Valentines
To the two who are secretly in love with each other.. Don't be afraid, you found who makes you happy so let them make you happy
To the married couples..you found your fairy tale
To the old married couples... You give the world hope for good
To the dads who don't forget the daughters on valentines day...your the best kinds
To everyone out there

Love is a wonderful thing
And I'd be lying if I told you my love of vday hasn't been tempered with over the years
But when it all comes down to it I'm still that hopeless romantic kinda girl that loves a fairy tale and thinks that you should always love the idea of this stupid Hallmark holiday (:

Goodnight lovers.

What would I do without you <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="">

"i love it that you are the last person i want to talk to before i go to sleep at night"

You should start by knowing that on this friday night my life is consisting of a tim hortons hot coco, listening to my latest addictions as far as music goes,taking a pink bubble bath,which i now need to buy my daughter more bubbles, writing you wonderful people.
So if you do not hear from me in a while, chances are that i dropped my tablet in the tub and was electricuted, which lets face it im just a bit on the clumsy side so this is very possible,which would be really awful for my roommate to come home to find, especially since he wont be home for days.
Wow what a way to die thatd be.

What i am wondering tonight is fate.
Do you believe in fate,do you believe that things, all things happen for a reason. And we may or may not know what that reason is for a very long time, or maybe a short time, there is still reason reguardless.

Like what i mean is that some people really are meant to bee in our lives.
Like you can know someone, but barely know them. Then find yourself  going somewhere that you not only didnt  care for but actually had no intenetion of going..but you did.
And you see someone across a very crowded room and there they are like even if you would have never met them before, you were supposed to meet them eventually.

Now I did make it out of the bathtub alive sos yay for me. And now I am watching When harry Met Sally, which is basically the greatest movie of all time, but those two were meant to meet each other, they met several times for it to really stick..but as soon as they did, well you know how it goes,
As soon as you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

I think that we all have these crazy fate stories, with people that we meet.

My best friend for instance, we have talked about how different our stories might be no if  we met another way, which we would have, there would have not been away  wround that one, but just if it happened in a different way..I wonder if we would be as close as we are..

I guess my point is that we all make choices, and those  simple choices are what unknowingly shapes our lives.

I believe in a bigger picture, I believe that we may not like how things are going in our lives, or maybe we love them, and the truth is that everything really does happen for a reason, so dont focus so hard on what you need to change or who should be in you life, because when it all comes down to it, the greatest stories of the people we love, are the ones that fate had placed them in each others arms.

So I have not written in a minute.

to be honest my mind has been racing faster than the speed of light, and I have had more on my mind that i can really say.
It has a been a rough one to say the least.

but for whatever reason, in this very moment I am happy, I am really happy. and considering the fact that I am batshit crazy 93% of the time. I am gonna run with this.

but there is a lot of random nonsense on my mind...so here goes. 

for starts I am extremely excited because I am officially going on a trip to Louisiana to watch my sister graduate, and possibly shank a bitch. But mostly to see my brother and sister.
I cannot believe they are both at the age the have boyfriends and girlfriends, I am not going to lie there is a small part of me more excited to meet Lexi && Mikey. minimal amount I promise.

The next thing is that I get to take a trip to Vermont. I get to see an old friend, and that will be nice.
But I am really excited to travel like I will be. I never got to travel like I will be.
It just makes life a little more worth living.

eventually Ill be going to Arizona, which I wont get into to much detail...but still. 

and the last one is PA, just to splash lagoon, because I want to take Kelsey so there.



In the next few weeks I am going to be celebrating a one year milestone.
while what that milestone is exactly, is far to personal for most people to know, however, what it means to me, as that priceless.
what I can and will say, is that i grew a courage I never fully had before, and have faced in this past year, troubles, lose, joy, friendships I know are forever, self respect, self confidence,  like i have never had in my life. I have bad days, that it seems like its really bad, but I have never been so happy as I have in this past year...so to the people who have been a part of that, and the people who will be there to celebrate that with me...I cannot wait to celebrate all the wonderful things in life we have to look forward to this next year and all the years to come.
were going to hideaways...btw. 

Laying in bed the other night I decided something. I am a really out there kind of person.
the kind of person that wants to climb billboards and sit under the stars for hours, and what I think is that somewhere out there is the kind of person who wants to make that climb with me,
oh and also that i secretly really want someone to sing "for the night I cant remember" to me...that person is basically my soul mate.
okay i am a fucking hopless romantic...I know that will never happen...but hey a girl can get caught up in unrealistic fantasies cant she? 

dont judge me.


hmm what else. . .
oh the super bowl....
was I the only person who REALLY wanted justin timberlake to come on when she sang single ladies?
i mean really how perfect would that have been?
it would have made up for his last trip to the superdome
the timing is right because he is finally coming back to music.
and lets face it...that would have topped all of the commercials.

okay thats really all ive got. for right now.
i honestly just missed watching people pretend to give a shit what I am thinking.


later dudes.