Ohana, means family..

Hello world. I hope you had a good night. I hope that whoever you are, where ever you are, whatever you may be doing right now, your finding joy in it.

Have you ever thought about death?
I have have. not so much about how I will die, not even when.
I mean once you are gone. what kind of services will there be, who will attend, who you will be missed by, what stories will be shared.
Good lord I could only imagine some of those stories that could be shared.

Its sad to me, how a lot of times families only come together for the holidays, weddings, and funerals.
Someone in my life, whom I cherish in my life, once told me how their mother used to say if you do not love me in life, do not miss me when i am gone.

what I wonder though, who do we love in life?
I mean, me for instance, I pathetic I know, but I think that the people I love know that I love them. Sometimes I wish that they didnt know how much I loved them. I have this terrible habit of loving people with every ounce of my being. Which sounds high and mighty on this screen, but frankly, it's rather annoying.
anyways, my question is how do we know those who love us when we are here.
We live in an untrusting society filled with lies, judgments, but so often, we hold back.
I have a friend, they who means the world to me. I hear them say i love, i miss you to so many others, and they have never once said that to me.
which, because I over analyze everything in life, makes me wonder if when I die..would they be one of those people truly devastated.
and I do not mean i will have a room filled with devastation, but i think that in order to live a fulfilling life, we need other people, and those people are the ones who really have an emptiness when we are gone.

I have always had a dysfunctional family. I have had step parents, I have had dads girlfriend moms boyfriend, I have had step brothers, half siblings, family friends that are like family, my family has secrets, we have adoption, we have loss.

so if I have learned anything in life so far, its that your family is not just the people you share your blood with.

"this is my family, I found it all on my own, it's little and broken, but its good, yea, still good."

I love this quote, because in this wild ride of a life I have lived, I have created my own family.
Its filled with good friends. Some of it them really are my family, two of them we joke that out of their own dysfunction, they are long lost brothers, theres the really great couple, that even do not know it, they are the ones who live happy ever after. some of us live together. one of us has a baby, okay you guessed it that on is me, one of us had to go away for away. you think a hulk is awesome? --we have a tank.
we confide in each other with our problems, our secrets, our fears, our joys, we ask each other advice, we laugh, we drink, we fight, we love. we live through adventures together, build each other up, pick on each others funny flaws,  and my god do we laugh.
I would not trade that family of mine for anything else.

I think that is why I loved the show "friends" so much, because after my own dysfunction, I was destined to live my version of that show.
--and yes Benny, you are Joey.
Normally I realize that this blog is silly, ranges on about pointless things, but to be honest its just whats on my mind,
And for whatever reason, today this family that I have made for myself is the greatest gift I have could ever ask for.

So if you are a part of that family of mine, thank you.
and always know how deeply you are loved.